The Past Three Months Have Been Harder Than I Realized

The kumquat tree missed them.

On Friday afternoon my newly-seven-year old grandson climbed the garden wall of our home and almost ran into my arms. I burst out in giant loud messy sobs. He stopped so short that smoke came out of his sneakers, and he anxiously eyed me top to bottom, sure that I must be bleeding somewhere.

I started apologizing (by this time his eight-year-old sister was beside him, watching me scare my grandchildren with my wailing). Choking on my sobs, I told them, “Savta is just so happy to see you at my home. I missed you all so much. My house missed you. My kumquat tree missed you. The toys missed you. I'm sorry. I can’t stop crying, because I am grateful.”

Absolutely frozen, they watched me in silence - a bit afraid, a bit weirded out, a bit pity-filled for Savta. And I realized that the past three months have been harder on me than I realized.

Like the rest of you, I spent more than two months in self-isolation – not leaving the house, not seeing my friends or family, not participating in any real-world activities. I zoomed. I whatsapped. I facebooked. I even worked a little. B”H for my heroic husband (ad 120 beyachad) and wonderful kids who shopped for us. B"H for exciting screen door visits.

HEY, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

Mostly, I watched a deserted world at my front door, as I prayed in my rocking chair. (Wow, that does sound like an old lady from some novel, but truthfully, we had been left behind in a ghost town.)

And I observed, as life transformed over the weeks - from me alone with my birds, to one person walking through the street on Shabbat, to three kids and a dog, to a few couples and a family here and there, and then this past week, voila…a busy exciting bustle passing my door.

I did everything I was told. The day the Health Ministry said we could go out (of course, with our masks), I tremulously and hesitatingly walked out my door, holding my brave husband’s hand. When they said we could visit our grandchildren, but at a distance, my husband and I jumped in the car and visited every single grand/kid immediately. We even brought “We-love-balloons.” We just wanted to see their faces in living color sans-screen, even if not up close.

THE SHOCK OF REALITY

But nothing could prepare me for the sight of my cherished little people climbing up my wall. I am still overcome with emotion, thinking how much we (the protected part of the population) have suffered more than the rest of the world at-large from lack of interaction with our grandchildren.
Thank G-d, they are back in our lives.

An amazing outdoor get-together (with masks, except for eating and smiling.)

And still, we older folks probably won’t totally heal until that day comes when we can hug those little people that we love and smother them with kisses. May it come soon.
PS - thank you to the folks who worked to keep us healthy and safe. xoxo

Purim and the Death of the Soviet Haman

Throughout Jewish history malicious Haman figures have risen and B”H fallen. In our minds Germany’s Hitler, yemach shmo, is the Haman of the last generation. But Russia’s Joseph Stalin, yemach shmo, ranks very close. Responsible for the deaths of about 15-20 million of his own people, Stalin had a special place in his black heart for the Jewish people.

On the miraculous Purim of 1953, Joseph Stalin’s reign of terror ended.

Stalin was a maniacal murderer. Paranoid, he saw those around him as enemies. The Jews were a Fifth Column to him, disloyal, dangerous. In well-orchestrated actions, Stalin executed scientists, intellectuals, writers, artists, peasants, landowners and his own Army’s generals - with a special emphasis on the Jews.

The Night of the Murdered Poets of 1952 eliminated Jewish culture along with poets, writers, playwrights, artists. The Doctors’ Plot of 1953 launched a vicious anti-Semitic media campaign when Stalin accused the nation’s Jewish doctors of planning to poison Soviet leaders.

Building on the need to eliminate the three million Jews from Soviet Society, Stalin reportedly planned mass deportations of Soviet Jews to Siberian concentration camps.

Only a few days before the doctors were to go on trial, and before the reported deportations were to take effect, Stalin suffered a massive stroke on March 1, 1953 on the holiday of Purim. He died a few days later, and not long after, the doctors were found innocent and (if they had truly been planned) no trains carried mass numbers of Jews to the Gulag.

Soviet Jewry had been saved on Purim 1953. And while the Soviet Union didn’t stop using its secret police or gulags until the rule of Mikhail Gorbachev, the Jewish population lived on, some assimilating into Soviet Society and some courageous figures fighting to retain their Judaism and even to emigrate to Israel.

This year IY”H, The Women’s Performance Community of Jerusalem in partnership with OU Israel will bring to the Jerusalem stage, “Whisper Freedom”, the story of the struggle of Soviet Jewry in the 1970s. Follow our journey to Moscow on facebook.

Just Dance!

On Isru Chag, I'll be tap dancing in two numbers for the Efrat Community Center end-of-the-year dance recital. Six-year-olds will twirl in their tutus. Teenagers will energize the audience with their hip hop. I'll be joining our tap troupe, Steps Ahead, as we dazzle on the dance floor with a dozen women from 16 to 65.

Most of us have been dancing together with incredible choreographer Judy Feinerman Kizer for 11 years now. My daughter Bati was the youngest then, 15 years old, and today the youngest is adorable Shira. We're a dancing family - every age, every background, every body type - and we're happiest when we're together. Of course, for Fayge at 65 and me at 63, it's not as easy as it used to be. Our shuffles are not as fast and our flaps sometimes don't sound so sharp.
But we love to tap, and as long as our dancing family will have us, we'll keep practicing and trying to keep up.
Dancing gives us joy. It surrounds us with the women we love. It's healthy too - good for the heart, the brain, the muscles, balance, etc.
So, I may not be so light or quick on my feet anymore, but you won't see anyone with a bigger smile or having more fun out there on the dance floor.

When the Heart Says 'Yes', and the Body Says 'No'

Our Steps Ahead Tap Troupe on Stage
in "Dames of the Dance 10 - Legacy"

My friend Fayge and I have a nightmare. We talk about it all the time. The nightmare is: no longer being able to tap dance. Yes, it’s true. We’re 62 and 64 and we tap dance. Actually, we live for tap dancing.

Fayge and I on stage in DAMES 1, more than 10 years ago.

We both began tapping ten years ago (really 11). I was just past 50 and she a drop older. Who begins tapping at 50? That’s when tap dancers are retiring. But my doctor told me that I had osteoporosis and dancing would be good for me. So, Ginger Rogers just had to move aside. Two minutes ago, I called Fayge to ask why she started tap dancing. Her answer was simple, “Because you did.”

Wow, I never knew that. Mwa, Fayge, love you!

Well, thanks to our patient talented teacher/ choreographer Judy Kizer, we learned amazing steps and have gotten better and more proficient year by year. We’ve also gotten older. How come no one else in our troupe has aged? Really!

We come to rehearsal with pains in our knees or toes. Fayge has sciatica. I have arthritis. But we keep tapping. And as long as our troupe will have us, we’ll try to keep up.

Our tap troupe, our family, led by choreographer Judy Kizer

Our tap troupe is our family. I think they’re keeping us young to some extent. We feel better when the dozen of us are standing up together. Fayge and I want to succeed because of them. We want to try harder. And when all that fails, Fayge says she smiles, and that’s all that anyone cares about.

By all accounts, dancing is supposed to reduce your blood pressure. That might well be true. I hope it’s strengthening my bones, like my doctor promised. It’s thought to keep your brain sharp, prevent Alzheimer’s and dementia. I hope that’s correct, but when we’re learning a step, I always worry, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s next!! Help help help.” B”H, somehow when we perform, all the steps and formations come to me (and if they don’t, some dancer that I love pushes or pulls me to the right place).

JE SUIS UNE DANSEUSE

I am a tapper. Tap dancing is what I do. It’s part of my identity. My tap bag is always ready. When I pick it up and rush off to rehearsal, I can’t help but hold back the smile I feel taking over my face. I can’t wait to see my dancing pals. I can’t wait for our group hug. I can’t wait to praise each one for the amazing way she executed a step.

Last year, I injured my knee. I could hardly stand. I lamented to my husband, “Maybe I should quit. What good is a dancer who can’t stand up?” “Never quit,” he said. “Always dance. Never quit.” I actually listened to him, and although I could only stand for ten minutes of our 60-minute class, I kept going. B”H, my knee healed. I’m still making up from a year of injury, but I persevere.

Fayge keeps going too. She kvetches and I krich, but we do it on the dance floor.

Last week, we completed a fabulastic season of dance with the production “Dames of the Dance 10 – Legacy.” The dances were more than spectacular. The dancers more than gorgeous. We even received praise from respected columnist Barbara Sofer: http://www.jpost.com/Opinion/Dancing-grandmas-543899

Fayge and I on stage in this year's DAMES.

We danced with uber-talented teenagers, with magnificent ballerinas, sexy belly dancers, exotic Bollywood dancers, energetic hip hoppers. They were all marvelous and duly praised. And what got surprise acclaim by Barbara Sofer and our audience, as well? Our dancing grandmas!
Maybe our grannies gave audience members hope that quality of life, creativity, friendship, fun and achievement continue after 60. Maybe we were just funny. Whatever the reason, we were dancing!

So, when the heart says 'yes', do everything possible for as long as you can to make the body say 'yes' too.

 [Thank you to Rebecca Kowalsky, www.imagesthroughtime.com, for the photos.]

Grandmas on Stage / Grandkids in the Audience - A guest blog by Mimi Katz

Dance -
1. To move one's feet or body, or both, rhythmically in a pattern of steps,
especially to the accompaniment of music

My girls with their performing grandmother

2. To leap, skip, etc., as from excitement or emotion; move nimbly or quickly
What does it mean to dance? The definition in the dictionary is pretty straightforward and clear. But the dancing my girls and I watched this week had so much depth than that.

Auntie Bati, Grandma, Auntie Nava

I took my ten-year-old and six-year-old daughters to watch their aunts and grandmother dance in a very special performance entitled, "Dames of the Dance", an all-female dance performance for women of all ages.
We look forward to this show all year, with its bright colors, creative dances and shining costumes.
The day itself was full of excitement. "Today we are going to see Grandma's show."

Grandma tap dances (at right) with Auntie Bati right in the center

The girls must have asked me twenty times what time we'd be going and in how much time is that. We headed out. My older daughter was worried every time we slowed down for the slightest bit of traffic and the eta on the Waze changed even by a minute. As we got closer to the theater we stopped to buy some snacks, the anticipation barely allowed the girls to eat dinner before we left.
We arrived at the theater and immediately looked for our family. My daughters were so happy, we arrived early. They couldn't wait to see their cousins, aunts and grandmothers. We got our tickets and found our seats. Our family had an entire row. Even their great-grandmothers came to see the performance.

Grandma plays a grandma

This year's show surpassed well beyond all of our expectations - and we have high expectations based on the previous years we've attended "Dames".
The theme of the show this year is legacy. It's "Dames" tenth anniversary - with 100 women volunteering to dance, rehearsing for months, devoting their efforts to a cause. Their goal is to raise money for the needy in their communities. This year they set an additional goal - to contribute to an IDF Lone Soldiers’ Home in Gush Etzion.
Ten years of shows, of creating a group that has become like family. They wish to extend their love to soldiers who don’t have family with them in Israel. Their message is clear - we love you! You do have family in Israel - we are here for you!
My daughters sat in awe watching their grandmother perform with love. She is able to combine the things she cherishes most - charity work, family and friends, and dancing. This is the legacy.

Showbiz kiss

So what does dance mean? Well, to us it represents beauty and expression, awareness and activeness, facilitating change and providing help, movement and progress and most of all love and unity.

"Dames of the Dance" has one more performance, a 5 PM matinee on Monday February 26, geared for the younger crowd. The sports hall of Efrat will be filled with cheering kids in the stands and shuffling mothers, sisters and grandmothers on stage.
[If you're in Greater Jerusalem, tickets: tixwise.co.il/damesofthedance.]

Grandmas on Stage/ Grandkids in the Audience - A Guest Blog by Mimi Katz

Dance -
1. To move one's feet or body, or both, rhythmically in a pattern of steps,
especially to the accompaniment of music

My girls with their performing grandmother

2. To leap, skip, etc., as from excitement or emotion; move nimbly or quickly
What does it mean to dance? The definition in the dictionary is pretty straightforward and clear. But the dancing my girls and I watched this week had so much depth than that.

Auntie Bati, Grandma, Auntie Nava

I took my ten-year-old and six-year-old daughters to watch their aunts and grandmother dance in a very special performance entitled, "Dames of the Dance", an all-female dance performance for women of all ages. We look forward to this show all year, with its bright colors, creative dances and shining costumes.
The day itself was full of excitement. "Today we are going to see Grandma's show."

Grandma tap dances (at right) with Auntie Bati right in the center

The girls must have asked me twenty times what time we'd be going and in how much time is that. We headed out. My older daughter was worried every time we slowed down for the slightest bit of traffic and the eta on the Waze changed even by a minute. As we got closer to the theater we stopped to buy some snacks, the anticipation barely allowed the girls to eat dinner before we left.

Grandma plays a grandma

We arrived at the theater and immediately looked for our family. My daughters were so happy, we arrived early. They couldn't wait to see their cousins, aunts and grandmothers. We got our tickets and found our seats. Our family had an entire row. Even their great-grandmothers came to see the performance.
This year's show surpassed well beyond all of our expectations - and we have high expectations based on the previous years we've attended "Dames".
The theme of the show this year is legacy. It's "Dames" tenth anniversary - with 100 women volunteering to dance, rehearsing for months, devoting their efforts to a cause. Their goal is to raise money for the needy in their communities. This year they set an additional goal - to contribute to an IDF Lone Soldiers’ Home in Gush Etzion.
Ten years of shows, of creating a group that has become like family. They wish to extend their love to soldiers who don’t have family with them in Israel. Their message is clear - we love you! You do have family in Israel - we are here for you!
My daughters sat in awe watching their grandmother perform with love. She is able to combine the things she cherishes most - charity work, family and friends, and dancing. This is the legacy.
So what does dance mean? Well, to us it represents beauty and expression, awareness and activeness, facilitating change and providing help, movement and progress and most of all love and unity.

"Dames of the Dance" has one more performance, a 5 PM matinee on Monday February 26, geared for the younger crowd. The sports hall of Efrat will be filled with cheering kids in the stands and shuffling mothers, sisters and grandmothers on stage.
[If you're in Greater Jerusalem, tickets: tixwise.co.il/damesofthedance.]

Twenty lessons to live a long and happy life. (Part 2)

When they look back on life, many folks would say that their grandparents had the biggest effect on the people they became. Unending love. Kneidlach. Funny stories. Great accents. Most everything about grandparents is colorful and worthy of remembering. Well, I recently spent a few weeks with an entire oasis of grandparents, and I too learned a lot about aging and not aging. In my last blog, I discussed 10 ways to live longer and happier lives. Here are another 10 things to consider (in no special order).

Trivia class.

11. Be interested. Every day we picked up a new packed activity schedule. Two of the activities – Trivia and Women’s Discussion Group have everyone chatting. It’s important to keep seniors interested in the world around them and in the conversation. As time does its job and they get around less, hear less, and see not so well, these discussion groups keep their world from shrinking, and keep older adults relevant.
“Today in 1901 the first Nobel Prizes were awarded.” Everyone had an opinion on who should have gotten one and who shouldn’t. “Today in 1830, Emily Dickinson was born. Can anyone remember one of her poems?” And I was flabbergasted to hear two of the men recite Emily Dickinson by heart. (I couldn’t remember anything. I’d better brush up on my poetry.) The Women’s Discussion Group chatted about varied random topics, exploring all kinds of horizons – life in Thailand, parenting today, and I even got to open a discussion on life in Israel.

Staying interested is staying in the game of life.

12 . Dress up. At my mother’s senior residence, her friends dress for dinner every night. Daytime is casual, as residents flit from one activity to the next. Evenings are special, and give everyone a boost, beginning with stylish clothing. Okay, no one wears orange leggings or crazy-youth-obsessed clothes, instead, they all look like they’re going on a cruise. I checked outside for a boat. None. You know the look. Fresh, classic, dignified, like the folks themselves.

Singing hit songs.

13. Sing. Sing out!! Mostly every day, a show or a solo performer takes the stage at my mother’s residence. The songs on the program range from 1920s hits (songs these great-grandparents and I heard from our own parents and grandparents) up to the latest Broadway fare. What a delight! I was in my element. Some folks sat quietly listening, but my mom and I sang along, every song.
Singing is great for seniors and all of us. It expands our memory, it makes us happier, reduces stress, and generally improves quality of life.
In addition to the shows, my mom’s pals like to sing whenever a phrase reminds them of a song. Usually I am the one to break out into a song at the drop of a hat. (I think my kids find it annoying. Tough.) Imagine being on the receiving end of an instant-song. “Thanks so much. That makes me so happy.” And then, three ladies simultaneously chime, “Make someone happy. Make just one someone happy.” Soooo cute.
14. Share your family. We’re in a family-scattered world. Kids, friends and siblings live everywhere from Maine to Mexico. So, when someone has company, everyone in the residence has company. Everyone enjoys stopping by to say, “Hi and where are you from, how long will you be here. Your daughter is beautiful.” And I got to schmooze comfortably with everybody, because they’re used to being friendly to visitors. Win win for all.

Yiddish fun.

15. Learn a new skill. Take up a new hobby. My mother (may she live and be well until 120) worked her entire life. She never had the time or the luxury to paint or even sit over a crossword puzzle. She definitely was not the type to make jewelry. Well, now, whenever she comes to visit, she gifts her children and grandchildren with beautiful Bubby-made colored necklaces and bracelets to match all their clothing. It’s not easy for my mom to use her fingers on these small beads, but she’s great at color coordinating and has become quite creative.
She also goes to a fun-tastic Yiddish class. My mother used to speak a mean Yiddish, but time made her a bit rusty. Now every week, she and her friends learn new fun Yiddish words and try to speak again – at least for an hour on Friday afternoons.
learning new skills and languages keep those brain gears going, plus it's exciting and empowering. What's next? Bring it on.
16. Taste the memories. Most of us cherish our mother’s pinwheel cookies or roast breast of veal in our hearts. The taste remains embedden in our memory banks forever. Every week my mother attends a cooking class where the “master chef” makes different dishes from long ago and today. I sat in on two cooking sessions. The first was devoted to New York City. The dessert, of course, was cheese cake. Deeelicious. Cooking class participants enjoyed every creamy morsel, as some remembered the last time they traveled to NYC, and commented on former mayors. They even sang, “New York, New York.” At another cooking class, souvganiyot donuts came out hot from the frying pan, and the chef said, “Get ready for our Chanukah delicacy. Does anyone remember a Chanukah song?” So, they munched and they sang, and they remembered.
17. Make friends. Be a friend. Moving to a new home is scary. Moving to a new home where 200 other people already live is even scarier. In my mother’s residence, the folks are so nice, I’m sure they help newbies fit right in. Friends are important at every age, and especially for seniors and super-especially when family is far away. Friends keep us young, really. They keep us going. They care about one another. “Why weren’t you at breakfast?” “You went to the beauty parlor? You look great.” “What did the doctor say?” “How are your kids?” Friends are our pillars, our teddy bears, our sounding boards. They keep us in better health, give us emotional support, share our joys and our challenges, and are fun to be with at every age.
18. Believe. Faith has so many forms. Recognizing the good in the world, reading the Bible, chatting with G-d, formal praying. As we face the challenges of life, faith keeps us going through dark times and gives us strength in times of weakness. Believing there’s more to Life than just 24/7 life is empowering, as faith gives us a helping hand, helps us face stress, anxiety and fear.
I attended local Sabbath services with my dearest mother (until 120). The congregation sang time-honored prayers, prayed for the health of their loved ones and the welfare of the nation, read from the Torah scroll and blessed the Sabbath with wine. Faith is invigorating, and if friendship is important to seniors, friendship with Our Creator is huge.
19. Change it up. Seniors in my mother’s residence have a daily and weekly routine, but they are encouraged not to get stuck in a rut. There’s a mini-bus to the Mall to go out into the world a bit. The dinner menu varies every night (although Thursday is always dairy with ice cream. Yes!). Even something as simple as changing a seat breaks their routine and keeps them fresh – sitting at a different table for breakfast or dinner, picking a different seat at a show or at a lecture. Keep life fresh until 120.
20. Become more than yourself. Truthfully, I had another eight things I learned hanging out with my new bubby buddies, but I’d like to stop here and add a thought of my own. As we get older and spend more time worrying about our own health and well-being, sometimes our focus becomes overwhelmingly self-self-self. There are so many amazing ways that seniors can go beyond themselves and make a bigger imprint. Many seniors are probably involved in the follow ideas already, but I wanted to end with a few simple notions.
Charity, of course, is an important aspect of life – helping worthy institutions, causes, projects. Every check makes a difference to a person/organization in need. Tutoring disadvantaged children - wouldn’t it be cool if a bus of inner-city kids was brought to a senior residence twice a month so that seniors could help the kids with their reading. Wrap gifts for children in the hospital or decorate cookies that could be sold at charity events. Knitters or crochet-ers could put their skills to use making caps for premie babies or woolen caps for soldiers. Mentoring young people starting out in the world - seniors have so much life experience/ business experience/ non-profit experience they can give over. Possibilities are endless. 
No one is too old to give of himself. Everything/anything we do for others can change the world for the better, and we're never too old to be a life changer and share of ourselves. Every positive deed we do leaves our mark, “I was here.”